"Far off Lies the Shore"...

Memoirs of Those Old Days..

Part I:

I stood in the beach road and looked up to the shore.. It almost touched the horizon and the horizon seemed not very far.I felt i could reach it. Walked and walked and walked till i got tired and was completely broken. But still the ray of hope was lit inside the small rooms of my heart that he will be back some day.. like the ship stuck in a tempest, far away from the mainland, in the midst of the wild roars of the sea, ready to swallow anything and infact everything it can.

Once He wrote me:

"I am really sorry that I spoilt your mood. I never wanted to hurt you.
I have come to realise that everytime things become worse. I am sorry that you feel that I am being unfairly harsh to you. As far as I can see, there is something fundamentally incompatible. You keep saying that whenever I speak I hurt you. I don't want to do that, so I think it is best for you that I don't talk to you. I'm sure you realise too that we are two very diffrent people. Since we can't see eye to eye, since you feel that I am unecessarily harsh I feel I should stop takling to you because that is the only solution. I want you to know that I wish you all the best in life, and also to realise that we are too different."

Urs .....

Part II

I should have got the hint that day itself that that sea was never mine and sailing in it can be dangerous and a misled idea in nutshell. But I did dare. May be am courageous, may be am stupid. I never knew about my emotions and i sailed and sailed till my life's ship got stucck in the tempest of your sea.

My thirst will never end as that of a man away from his home, from his mainland and here I was a outsider like the traveller lost in the search of the oasis in the midst of desert and the desire to get a drop of water to drink was the only instinct that kept him alive.

And then it was in the month of May, finally, when he said me once and for all:

"Calling myself an escapist is my excuse. The truth is that I will perhaps never ever see again. Which is why I made a great effort to see you, even for a short while, at the train station. The reasons for this are personal. I have not told them to u and will not reveal them ever till i live the end. I did what I thought was the best way to get u to hate me and eventually forget me. I wanted to cut off completely before u got involved any more emotionally. I know this would hurt her but it would be even more painful later on. I told her that if she has even a little trust on me she should believe what I am doing is better for her in the long term, however much it hurts now. I will not ask that of you. You are free to think
whatever you want. I believe I have made a mistake, that I should have been frank to you from the beginning, explaining that whats there is hidden in your mind can be never possible. However, it is much easier to look back and see what you
should have done right, rather than while you are doing it. I am afraid there is very little that I can do. It is upto you convince urself that it is just an infatuation, because in the midst of an unknown and foreign desert, you have found some small comfort in the oasis of my friendship, to heal the wounds that you have suffered because of me."

Mr. X
(Your well wisher)

Just one mail and life was shattered like the tempest stuck ship inside the sea, where u get water... but can never drink a drop.

But of lately I realise after a year and half, life isn't bad> it shows the way itself. One just needs to hold the patience like the men on the ship hold their depth of patience deep inside them. I realised many more feels that i have infact not lost anything valuable. What was not mine, i never get it and the pay off is equal every time. For the fact that " No pains, no gains" and what I hav gained now is worthless and the most precious gift... like the back of the ship into home land."

I am back to home, and my own home where am the queen of the whole world round me and get all the love and affection which i deserved forever.Ek ehsaas thats dead long time back, but yet alive somewhere..


I am slowly forgetting Mr. X for sure then and forgiving him ofcourse.

Current Mood: No regrets, just few remeberances (untold and unspoken)