My Gratitude~

It has been quite some time now and I can say this phase of my life has been worse in one way or the other. Most of the times, I end up meeting fucktards and jerks. I have been questioning myself for days - “Why me!” But there is no answer to it, I guess. It all started with the beginning of the year. However, it has worsened up in past 3 months. This down-phase of my life is so much overpowering me that I can’t manage a single thing around me. There is more to this story and this is seeming to be an on-going war. People have been mean, meaner and perhaps meanest to me for no genuine reasons. Its sheer bad luck that I end up meeting such characters whom I would never ever want to meet in my life ever. After almost seventy days of war with self, I suddenly felt I should feel good about me. At least I am fighting even if the baggage of anger, depression, and rejection troubles me. I don’t know what forced me today to feel good today... Perhaps the girls downstairs have some magic. Perhaps the good wishes of my landlady, while boarding the cab for an interview-cum-discussion, made me feel good. Of course, my family members have been constant support pillar. I don’t deny that fact. Boarded the cab, bumped into a co-passenger who studies Economics at St. Joseph’s College. We talked till she was dropped at her destination point. She was an interesting girl with a lot of plans about her future. As soon as I entered my building complex, I went to my ladlady’s house. Sitting on the sofa, I kept blabbering about my day. Have to say she has some degree of patience to lend her ears to me for hours, for days and days. In that way, I am definitely blessed. At least, she and her kids make me feel like family. She offered me tea and some snacks. Some playtime with her younger kid. Surprisingly she was all cheerful and in play mood. After a while, I lost interest to play with her anymore. And I ended up watching a dumb movie of Akshay Kumar (man, why do you make such horrible movies! You can do better) with her elder daughter and we laughed on the pathetic jokes in the movie. And suddenly she questioned me - “Aunty, you are on which side?” I said left side as I was sitting on her left side. She found my answer funny. With a face-palm gesture, she said- “Whom are you supporting?” I was dumb stuck. I was clueless what to answer because I was under the impression that it is some sort of political question. And I’m an apolitical person. She further probed me- “Are you on Shiv and his brother’s side?” Till then I was not aware that hero (as in Mr. Kumar in the movie) had a brother in the movie and his name was Shiv. And she wanted me to support the hero, his brother and the eternal fight with badmen like any other pathetic Bollywood movie. Oh, did I mention it is a Hindi version of some Telugu movie with every bit of masala in it. Thanks to Prabhudeva ji!

As evening descended, I decided to move my ass from her house, climbed upstairs and entered home. I love my home the most. But since past few months, I don’t stay here as in my soul doesn’t reside here. I feel it’s wandering in some other world. I feel so mechanical. A home without anyone around to chatter to. Sigh! Sob sob!

I sat in front of my laptop to check my mails and search for more job ads. But some sort of inertia has set in today. I couldn’t do anything. Thought to sleep. But sleep and I have eternal enmity. So, instead decided to stay up creative. Crushed the egg-shells and added those to my flower pots. Then again a weird blankness set in. Warmed the tea from the kettle which my benevolent maid had kept for me. But forgot to remove the mug from the microwave oven. Reheated it again. Searched my paint brushes, but in vain. And while searching for one thing, bumped into another. Found a stack of agarbattis of my favorite brand, all the way from Pondicherry. Smelt each packet like a kid. Voila! Suddenly I was feeling good. Took out some new packets of agarbattis to light them. Lit two of them in front of the evergrowing collection of tiny gods and goddesses that I have. The smoke released from the upside down incense stick holder was magical. And slowly the corner started smelling of English rose. I changed the reed diffusers eventually. And the magic of essential oils immediately hit my olfactory senses giving a serious mood uplift. Trust me when I say that! They work like magic.

Within no time, every corner in the house got a different feel and redolence. The small passage near the washbasin smells of spring blossom, whilst the drawing room of cherry blossom and entrance hallway of Patchouli. The bathroom is overdosed with Ylang-Ylang and I think I will sleep there tonight. The bedroom is filled with the fragrance of French lavender. I must have lost a screw of my head to get into such a mode. My house is now smelling of some incense stick/essential oil boutique. But I am loving it. :) And to retain this mode, I make myself a cup of gingerbread tea which Kshitija (alias KK) gifted me from England. As the ‘Drum Invasions by Bikhram Ghosh’ plays for the fourth time, I sit down with my exotic tea to write my feel-good experience of the day. Listen the music here ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH5...

 

(Original Post on Facebook Notes)